My Life With Orthorexia

Photographed by Danika Miller.

Jordan Younger is a longtime supporter of The Anti-Diet Project and a blogger with her own fascinating journey. She made headlines last year after revealing something deeply personal about her own health and lifestyle change. This week, she's generously offered to share her story with us. - KM

Going vegan seemed like the answer to all my problems. 

I adopted the diet in my last semester of college, hoping to remedy the lifelong indigestion issues I'd dealt with. Incredibly, it seemed to work. Eating only plant-based foods eased the extreme bloating and discomfort I was used to, and suddenly I felt lightness in my stomach. It was amazing. Veganism gave me a feeling of physical wellness and complete control. But, it had triggered an even deeper issue — one I didn't even know existed.

By the time I graduated, my dedication to the plant-based diet had evolved into obsession. I had started an Instagram account, @theblondevegan, chronicling my vegan adventures, and posted photos of bright, colorful salads and mason jars filled to the brim with blended, green concoctions. I was proud to share my lifestyle, and found there was a huge hunger for knowledge about vegan food in the online community.

Next came the blog, where I shared recipes and chatted with my growing audience. I couldn't believe that people were so interested in learning about my lifestyle, and my own passion was so great that I was happy to sit in front of the computer all day answering emails and guiding people toward a plant-based life.Then, I moved to New York to pursue an M.F.A. in creative writing. But, once I arrived, there was only one thing on my mind: veganism. Suddenly, juice bars were offering me cleanses in exchange for reviews on my website, and after six months of paying a pretty penny for cleanse programs, there was no way I was turning them down. I started cleansing for three days a week nearly every week, and sometimes more.

But, something had changed: Every time I reintroduced solid food after cleansing, my old stomach problems returned — even though I kept the food strictly plant-based. Though it terrified me, I wasn't willing to admit that veganism might not be the cure-all I'd imagined. Instead, I started avoiding solid food more and more, until I had so much eating anxiety that I was an absolute wreck to be around.

I tried to hide my food fears when I was with other people — and veganism was the perfect cover. Rather than admit my food phobia, I could just claim it was too hard to eat out as a vegan. Meanwhile, the cycle continued: I cleansed, got too hungry, broke down and ate solid food, felt terribly guilty, and rededicated myself to another cleanse — usually a longer one. With my family across the country and my growing The Blonde Vegan brand, I was able to keep my charade up for much longer than I should have. 

Photographed by Tynan Daniels.

But, come spring of 2014, there was no hiding it. I was not the picture of health I claimed to be. I couldn't sleep because I was so full of anxiety about what I was going to eat the next day and what foods I had to avoid. My hair was thinning, my skin was a mess (and orange from too much beta-carotene), and my face was gaunter than gaunt. I looked and felt like a shadow of my former self.

The real kicker came when I stopped menstruating. At first I told myself it had nothing to do with the way that I ate, but as the months wore on and nothing came, I started to worry. I had gotten into the vegan lifestyle so I could be the healthiest version of myself, but now I was wreaking havoc on my body, and I knew it. After a major conversation with one of my close friends about her eating disorder, I finally realized that was what I was dealing with, too.

I knew I had a problem, but I didn't have a name for it. My issue didn't fall into the traditional categories of anorexia, bulimia, or binge eating. Mine was an obsession with healthy, pure, clean foods from the earth, and a fear of anything that might potentially cause my body harm. 

As it turned out, there was a name for it: orthorexia. 

Photographed by Tynan Daniels.

Orthorexia is a little-known condition. It's not currently recognized by the DSM-5 as a clinical diagnosis, but many suffer the symptoms: a fixation on purity, and a fear of foods that might derail that “perfection.” Those of us who have a tendency toward extremes in other areas are more susceptible to developing it — especially once we start cutting out entire food groups. 

I knew I needed professional help, and I started working with both a nutritionist and a therapist to deal with the physical and emotional aspects of orthorexia. During my recovery process, I learned that the “superhuman willpower” I'd exercised for so long is a typical eating-disorder warning sign. I was trying to control my life through food, and I believed I was worthy and powerful because I treated my body like a temple (which, to me, meant eating nothing but plants). Once I started to let go of that addiction to emptiness and purity, I started to live again. Slowly but surely, I made strides to get my life back.

I dropped the vegan label shortly after I came to terms with my eating disorder, and that was one of the best things I could have done for myself. Now, I live a label-free life, and I find more power in that than I ever found in my plant-based fanaticism. Instead of food, I wake up thinking about life. I fill my time with great people and personal passions — like my blog, which is now all about balance. Sure, I have scary days around food. A lot of them. But, I am learning, and I am proud of that. I try to listen to my body, be kind to myself, and forgive. I eat when I'm hungry, and I don't eat when I'm not. If I feel like veggies, I have them. If I feel like driving 10 miles for the best cupcake in town, then you bet I'm going to do that. I've found so much freedom in doing this whole balance thing. 

And hey, for the first time in three years, I have stable blood sugar, and I'm not afraid to eat a piece of cake (full of white flour!) on my friends' birthdays. Heck, on my own birthday. I've come a long way, and that's a victory in itself.   


To read more about Jordan's story, check out her brand new book, Breaking Vegan, available for pre-order right now. And, be sure to check out her gorgeous blog and Instagram, The Balanced Blonde.

The Anti-Diet Project is an ongoing series on intuitive eating, rational fitness, and body positivity. You can follow my journey on Twitter and Instagram at @mskelseymiller or #AntiDietProject (hashtag your own Anti-Diet moments, too!). Got a question — or your own Anti-Diet story to tell? Email me at kelsey.miller@refinery29.com. 

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Meet Fangirl of the Day: Elizabeth

Read original article here: Meet Fangirl of the Day: Elizabeth

Name of Fangirl: Elizabeth

Fangirl’s Occupation: She is a writer/producer of Promos for AMC networks.

What is her Fangirl interest?

She loves Star Trek a lot. She schools me all the time with episode trivia from Next Generation and Deep Space 9. We watch Game of Thrones together and are excited for the next episode!

Additionally, for Halloween we went as Arrow and The Canary!

We love Arrow and The Flash Universe and watch them all the time.

She is the best Catan player in our board game group and usually wins!

Ohh and lets not forget about Doctor Who! We love watching it together! We even have the Doctor Who version of story night on our wall!

Why did you decide to shine the spotlight on this Fangirl?

She is my girlfriend of three years. We met through my sister.

My sister came up to me one day and said “You will like this girl, She is into all that Star Trek nerd stuff you are into.”

We have been together ever since.

How does this Fangirl express her fandom?

Talks about it and her clothes! She has loads of TARDIS dresses and a Legend of Zelda dress that she loves. She wears her Vader shirt to cons all the time and we have even talked about cosplaying for our next con!

Although She does not know it yet I have begun the process of getting her a ring. Once I have it my hope is that we will be able to share our geekdom till the end of our days.

What is her favorite Fangirl item that she cannot live without?

She just purchased a necklace that she wears all the time now. It says Qapla’ in Klingon! It’s really cool!

This article originated from Her Universe Blog -

Where Can You Buy Headdress For Sale

You can easily find Indian headdress for sale more and more in the recent years. Flip open a magazine, view major fashion runways, or go to open air concerts and rave parties and chances are, you will spot one of these feathered regalia on top of people’s heads.

The Indian headdress is popular enough to be seen frequently, but still rare that you don’t find a lot of quality made Indian headdresses in commercial stores around the corner. But if you really want to buy a beautiful headdress for sale, Aureus Arts is an online store that sells Indian headdress replicas. Decor and Design has featured Aureus Arts.

Headdress for sale

Retail Therapy: The Best Splurges That Came Out Of My Breakups

There's nothing like heartbreak to reveal sides of ourselves we're not always keen to discover. But, thanks to a bevy of dating apps, economy tubs of ice cream, and a few best friends, it's just as easy to get back into the game as it is to get knocked out of it. My go-to cheer-up move has always been to replace something old with something new — and I'm not talking about dates.

I'm a firm practitioner of retail therapy. When I broke onto the dating scene in the fifth grade, kids were pretty much just as vicious as they are today, but rejection was not as hard to cope with and the Do you like me? Check yes or no paper airplanes were pretty easy to get rid of. Heartbreak then meant a night at the roller rink on my parents' dime. But, then as now, when it comes to my relationships (and my shopping habits), if it isn't love at first sight, it's probably not my style. 

From the guy who resented my spending habit to the one whose own wardrobe consisted of stolen garments from boyfriends past, it sometimes feels like I've been through it all. And, as for the guy who stops talking to you after the second date, it's easy to pretend he just woke up one day and died or something. But, I like to turn negatives into positives and commemorate endings with designer duds. When I look back on relationships gone wrong, I see frustration and betrayal and sadness, for sure, but I also see that moto jacket that makes me feel like a star every time I put it on.

Read ahead as I recount every purchase that my closet — and my heart — will never forget.

The Modelizer Recovery Trench
Shortly after moving to New York, I somehow found myself hanging on the arm of a dirty-blonde, six-foot-something politico playboy, going to events, three-day weekending at other people's houses in the Hamptons, and watching him drool over my shoulder at every model that passed by.

It didn't take him long to realize staying with me meant missing out on the next best thing. Fast-forward to one, two, and three breakups later, and it was the end of our run (and the end of the season), so I paid a visit to rag & bone on my way out.

A beautiful, leather-sleeved trench coat had gone further on sale, and I just had to have it.

The Patch-Me-Up Pants
These pants were another great sale find. It was the middle of July, and I'd just rekindled a romance that sparked early and burned fast. Despite all the hiccups, that was the best summer I've ever had.

He was the type of guy who'd say "we" got invited to a party, but then tell the doorman I was his "plus one." I can't remember a time he ever showed up on time to anything we ever did together, honestly, but the final straw was my birthday.

After a week of soul-searching, I gifted myself these 3.1 Phillip Lim patchwork-denim pants and considered my ego repaired. And, now, when I think back on it, I was much happier seeing these pants stroll down the runway for the first time than I was watching him stumble in 45 minutes late.

The That-Stung Wallet
I fell for an even lesser-than-commitment-phobe when I studied abroad in Paris. During those nine months of constant push and pull, my misfortune led me in and out of every boutique Paris had to offer just about every time something went wrong.

I never bought much because of my student budget, but even a walk-through of my favorite designer's section was all it took to get my mind off of this guy's waning capacity to fall in love.

And, since it was Paris, after all, my trip wouldn't have been complete without me getting my wallet stolen at least once, so I bought this Alexander Wang stingray trifold after the city knocked me to my feet one last time. That was the best boyfriend I never had.

The (Di)stress-Reliever Tee
He decided to get back together with his ex after our relationship ended, which, at this point, has ceased to surprise me. My best friend was in town when I got the news and helped me pick out this Iro Paris distressed T-shirt. Since then, it's seen the most wear out of all the things in my wardrobe.

I'm thankful my BFF was there to witness the text-message breakup, because otherwise, I would have spent much more than I needed to, but how else would I have this Kendall Jenner favorite if he hadn't left me so unceremoniously?

The No, It's Actually You Jacket
An essential part of every bad breakup is regaining your sense of self. And, it's no secret that the more apparent our weaknesses are, the more susceptible to manipulation we become.

The guy behind this BLK DNM biker jacket, which was the most splurge-worthy of them all, was an avid player of the blame game. When he cheated, it was somehow my fault. When he forgot our anniversary, I somehow made it "too big a deal."

This jacket is the essence of me. It signifies my reclamation of who I was before our relationship. I was awesome. And, every time I put it on, I feel it.

The All I Got Was This Necklace
Perhaps the most significant out of the lineup, this yellow-gold Helen Ficalora necklace has taken on several meanings.

At first, it signified my only connection to Karlie Kloss, my favorite supermodel of the decade, because she owns the K version. Then, after my now ex-boyfriend gifted me what he dubbed the "masculine" version, I returned it and used his credit card to pay for the "feminine" upgrade.

Lastly, after he cut me out of his life via email two weeks after he promised me he never would, it now feels like something I bought for myself. I've since added an evil-eye charm to it in the hopes it will guide me down the streets of New York that are ex-boyfriend-free (which is better than any diamond, if you ask me).

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Elle Australia’s Breastfeeding Cover Is The Gorgeous Ode Moms Deserve

Photo: Courtesy of Elle Australia.

Back in March, Dolce & Gabbana paid a tribute to mothers on its runway. The Fall ’15 show featured expecting models with bumps and mother-and-child pairings who walked hand-in-hand in coordinating floral dresses. But, on the June cover of Elle Australia, the fashion industry found yet another way to honor mamas with an image of new mom and model Nicole Trunfio breastfeeding her son, Zion Clark.

Following last summer’s Glamour editorial that featured an image of Olivia Wilde feeding her son, Otis, the newest Australian Elle is making a bold move — after all, it was only a year ago that Instagram finally allowed images of breastfeeding women to appear on users' feeds. But, while Zion, Trunfio's son with fiancé Gary Clark Jr., also appears au naturel with mom throughout the magazine's shoot, this intimate cover shot was not originally part of the plan. 

Photo: Courtesy of Elle Australia.

“This wasn’t a contrived situation,” says Elle Australia’s editor-in-chief, Justine Cullen. “Zion needed a feed, Nicole gave it to him, and when we saw how beautiful they looked, we simply moved her onto the set.” The resulting impromptu nursing sesh will be appearing on the glossy's subscriber cover. Sure, it may be a glorified representation of motherhood — one that includes luxury fashion and professional hair and makeup — but it's still a badass ode to any mom who's ever had to drop everything (a phone call, a workout, a sentence) to feed her kid. (Elle Australia)

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Coco Rocha's Mascara Hack Is Pure Genius

Photo: Andrew Toth/Getty Images.

Colored mascara — we're talking blues, purples, wine reds — is kind of tricky to pull off. But, when done right, it can stun harder than most eye makeup and leave you with a quietly bold wow factor. Case in point: Coco Rocha's stacked-lash look from Monday's American Ballet Theatre's Spring Gala.

From afar, it just looks like she's rocking a blue smoky eye — nothing all that unusual, right? Wrong. Zoom in, and you'll see that the model has coated her natural lashes in a bright-blue mascara, and then applied a strip of dark falsies on top — giving her eyes and lashes Kardashian-Jenner-like dimension. 

Not only did Ms. Rocha make a striking style statement, but we got word that she did her own makeup that night (look ma, no makeup artist). "I love to make a statement with my makeup and often try to give a bold twist on a classic look," she says. "Jay Manuel Beauty’s The Everything Mascara in Royale gave my whole look at the ABT Gala a contemporary feel, while still echoing back to that classic red carpet glamour every woman wants on a big night out." The retractable-wand mascara ($26) has a pretty nifty applicator: Twist it to expand the bristles for volumizing; twist again for finer, extended bristles to lengthen.

We've seen plenty of unexpected makeup looks in our day, but we've never seen anything like this from a celebrity. For all the falsie fans out there, this is a gorgeous new style to experiment with — and for the rest of us, it's summer-makeup inspiration at its best. While we'll always have an affinity for our trusty black mascara, Coco's look is a pretty reminder that switching things up every now and then can create makeup magic. Go forth and innovate, lash addicts. (Lipstick)

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Kendall Jenner Makes A Ball Skirt Daytime-Worthy

Last week, Kendall Jenner made a strong case for the anti-crop top in an unexpectedly cool maxi blouse. But, she's not done with abbreviated hems just yet. The model descended on Cannes yesterday afternoon decked out in a yacht-worthy, midriff-baring outfit and the best accessory of all: Cara Delevingne by her side. 

Wearing a ball skirt when the sun is still out is out is a bold move — even when you’re in the South of France — but Jenner managed to make it look as casual as a pair of jeans. The paperbag waist and heather-gray hue helped dress things down a bit. The key, though, was the breezy eyelet tank that tamed the fanciness and made the whole thing feel fresh. Her metallic Sophia Webster sandals aren’t exactly easygoing, but when in Cannes! (Besides, flats are banned there.)

Whether you’re film festival-bound or not, Jenner's outfit is one worth stealing. Just maybe save it for evening.   

Kendall Jenner was spotted boarding a yacht in Cannes wearing a gray ball skirt, white eyelet crop top, and strappy metallic sandals that didn’t look the safest boat shoes (but boy, did they look good).

Wear this with a ball skirt — and literally everything else in your closet.

You do not have enough silky, floor-sweeping skirts in your life. Fix it with this one.

These aren’t just sandals, they’re a work of shiny gold art.

Between the round mirrored lenses and patterned frames, these sunglasses are much more than just a sun-blocker.